Repost: Forgiven

In light of recent events, I am reposting a blog for a little over a year ago.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Forgiven…..

I was watching a movie tonight on the LOGO Network, and from the storyline I began to think about things that have happened to me in my life. There are things that have happened to me that have shaped who I am and driven my values and my thinking. I am who I am and that will never change, I am here and no matter what anyone does to me I will still be here and remain the same person.

One memory that I have is when I was a teen I worked with a guy and I found him attractive. Somehow he found out and while I was in school he would say rude, derogatory comments to me in passing in the corridors, and he even went as far as to approach me while I was working somewhere else and physically attack me. I was shocked, I did not retaliate, I was bleeding and I can still remember what he said and how he did it to this day. Russ you are forgiven for your ignorance and your poor judgment, I hope that one day you will realize that you are just a person, nothing extraordinary and what you did was wrong, however even if you do not I FORGIVE YOU.

Then there was the teacher who made a comment that made me feel like less of a person, I was in High School and I was beginning to come out to people about who I am. I was asked by a teacher that I respected if I was gay, I reluctantly said no, to which his comment was OK because I had heard that you are and I just wanted to make sure I didn’t bend over with you around if you were. Mr. Teacher, you are forgiven, you have given me a lesson that I will never forget, people come from different generations, different life paths and different religions/family values. Some people will make a comment that is inappropriate and insensitive because they think that it is OK and acceptable when it is not. Their ignorance toward others, their lives and who they are can be degrading and disrespectful however they do not know any better once again, I FORGIVE YOU.

I am sure that there are more incidents that have happened but these seem to stick out in my mind.
When someone in your life gives you a chance to be a part of their life, do not shut them out, do not degrade them or tell them they are a bad person. Just understand that they have a different path for their life, it might be a way of good fortune, and it might be a way of misfortune, but they will make it as they feel is right based upon their circumstances, beliefs and values. We need to respect our friends, family members and neighbors lives and embrace the opportunity that we are given each day when we wake up, because every day is a new day, and we can make of it what we wish but it is up to us to control it as best we can. I am sure that there are many people that I have done wrong to in my life and I sincerely apologize for what I have done, I am sure that some of it I did without knowing that I was doing it and some I did out of carelessness, all I can ask is that you forgive me as I will forgive you.

Best Wishes Friends

Brian J.

Teeth again….. Aaaahhhhhh!!!

OK so it has been a while since I last posted on here. This post will be dedicated to my friend Shawn Hunley and to all my friends and fans on YouTube. If you were not referred to here from the YouTube link, here is a link and please CHECK IT OUT!!! Draining My Face IN HD #2! and here it is embedded

 

 

For all of my fans that was not able to read through the mess that is my chat log in reverse order here is the list of events for my dental event from last year.

In March 2009, I began having severe tooth pain and I called many dental offices to see about having it extracted. The thing is.. I did not have insurance at that time. I finally called a company called DentalWorks, where the lady on the phone assured me that they would be able to extract the wisdom tooth that was causing the problems.

Upon arrival I was greeted and promptly taken back to be examined. I went through excruciating pain as I had to bite down on the plates for the X-Rays to be taken. Finally the dentist came in and after looking told me that he would not be able to extract the tooth and that I would need to go to see an oral surgeon. After being seen I had to pay the office visit charge although nothing was done except for writing a referral and two prescriptions (antibiotics, and pain reliever).

After this visit and the costs I did not have the money to be able to go to the oral surgeon, the cost was going to be over $500 and that was more than one weeks wages for me. The antibiotics helped with the infection and the pain subsided. Unfortunately, I would have future flare-ups of the pain in the coming months. Finally, in August the worst case scenario came true. Over a weekend the pain began, I still not having insurance went to the E.R., for treatment and was prescribed antibiotics and pain medicine for the third time in one year. My partner’s grandmother set-up an appointment with her oral surgeon and had a payment plan made to get the one tooth extracted.

As the week progressed, my mouth began to hurt more and more. My face began swelling and it was hard to open my mouth. I was in tears because the pain was so bad. On Thursday afternoon, my partner and I was out and about and I got a Wendy’s Jr. Cheeseburger…. NO BUN.. No Toppings.. Meat and Cheese only. I took a fork and cut it into little pieces and with the infection and swelling so bad I could barely squeeze it between my teeth. At this point with the horrible pain, I began calling the oral surgeon to see if there was an earlier appointment or anything that could be done.

At this point they referred me to the dentist that I had visited before, who then told me that there was nothing that they could do with out me having another exam and paying another office visit fee. I obviously did not have the money for that, I was now unemployed. I then proceeded to return to the E.R. at Dublin Methodist Hospital where I was immediately taken back for examination. The doctor on duty in the ER had some tests done and came back to inform me that he was going to be able to correct the situation, however I would not be allowed to leave.

Over the following 4 days I had many tests including several CT scans, and two surgeries. The first surgery was to extract the wisdom tooth. The anesthesiologist was afraid that if they used the usual anesthesia that I would not be able to breathe and they might loose me on the table. They decided to use a drug called Ketamine also referred to as Special “K” and which is similar to LSD. It is given in doses called “bumps” the last thing I remember was the surgical assistants wrapping me in warm blankets since the OR was so cold and then they strapped me in. I awoke in my room in recovery, and the first thing I asked was where my partner Nick(Pickles) was.

This video which I just uploaded… was taken after the first surgery… I was really out of it, and it is a cell phone video so poor quality but for those who know me.. its rather entertaining.

 

The following day I began to get better and on Sunday I took a turn for the worse. Infection had set in and my head began swelling. The pain was so bad, I could not handle it. I was given Dilaudid, which is a Hydromorphone or strong Morphine derivative, and it had little to no effect on the pain. The nurses called the doctor who in turn called in the surgical assistants and set-up the OR for emergency surgery. This time it was an I&D or Incision and Drainage.

I was running a temperature of over 104 degrees, and my blood pressure was very high as well. After the surgery I was placed in ICU for monitoring. Well actually it was E-ICU, not only was I in an ICU room, I was being monitored by another local hospital’s ICU via a Webcam, monitor and tower. The doctor was not thinking that I was going to make it through this situation, and told my partner and mother that I was running the risk of losing my airway and that I might have to have a Tracheotomy to allow me to breathe. In order to get the temperature to come down there was a machine placed in the room that was filled with Ice and connected to a special bed mat, it continuously pushed the ice through the mat to cool me down. In addition to that there were icepacks placed over most of my body to reduce the temperature.

I remember Dr. Karanfilov telling me that he would have to place a drain in my face to drain the infection out, and the next thing I could feel was the sting of a needle several times around the incision. This was him numbing the area before placing the drain into the incision. The drain lasted for a few hours before the infection finally pushed it out. There was a foul odor from the infection as it drained. I remember as I awoke I did not know what had happened but I could smell the lingering stench.

While Dr. Karanfilov was performing the surgery, he took a swab of the infectious puss that came out and placed it on a Petri dish and allowed it to incubate. While it was incubating he told my partner that it grew rapidly and covered the whole dish within a small amount of time. The preliminary diagnosis was Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus or MRSA however the infectionist doctor came in and said that it was not. The only drug that was able to weaken the strain was I believe Vancomycin. I was placed on Augmentin and Percocet upon discharge with a follow up appointment in one week with Dr. Karanfilov.

For many who watch the video some might say that I should not be doing what I was doing, however, it was merely doctors instructions, and since I was limiting my contact with outside people the video was my best way for them to be able to see what had happened. The video was only originally intended for my blog and friends/family however in September 2009 someone found it and posted it on another website called PopThatZit.com and it has driven the hits and popularity of the video. The original with music currently is nearing 100,000 views and the other that I posted in response to the dislike for the music has nearly 60,000 views.

At this point, just over one year later, the incision has healed and looks only like a dimple. A $350 dimple at that… although the doctor was very reasonable with the charges, and I thank him greatly for saving my life.

Tomorrow, August 24, 2010 I will go to the Oral Surgeon for the extraction of my three remaining wisdom teeth and one baby tooth. For my sake and the sake of my family and friends, I hope that all is well with the outcome of the surgery, although I do miss my stay at the Dublin Methodist Hotel… oops Hospital..

 

Thanks for reading my friends and I will post more info if there happens to be any more problems with my surgery. Also if interested you can follow me on Facebook.

 

Brian

Its been a while…

Well everyone its been a while since I have posted anything on here. Life has been pretty busy, I no longer work for Target, things did not work out for a permanent position because of my availability but everything happens for a reason. I do have good news to tell though first I have a 4.0 GPA in college..who would have thought I would have a 4.0?  We have added to our little family, his name is Blake, he is now an eight week old Black Lab/Golden Retriever mix and he is growing like a weed. Here is a picture of him just last week and he has gotten taller since then:
He is a energetic little thing but can be quite lazy as well, he likes to sleep… just like a man! He and RJ are becoming good pals, I try to keep him from chewing on everything in sight but its hard to do. We have also moved since my last post, there was a lot of craziness going on at the old place and we decided that it was time to move on, so we moved back to Preserve Crossing, the community we lived in before we moved to Atlanta, GA. We really like it here, it has a HUGE fitness center (OM Fitness), the Goat (Community Bar & restaurant) and an enormous pool. We really enjoy it here, our place has hardwood floors, and nice appliances as well as great lighting. The snow removal was excellent as it always was here.
I try to keep in contact with family and friends, I am usually on Facebook since I am not working. Speaking of work, Nick got his training date for PSA Airlines, he starts training this coming Monday, he was going to start last year but my face blew up as we all know so he stayed with me. Aviation is in his blood, he eats, drinks, sleeps, and dreams aviation. He has loved airplanes since he was a child and I know that whatever he does when it comes to airlines is something he is passionate about. If there is a fact to be known about an airline or aircraft he will likely be able to tell you. I am so excited for him, and for us. When he graduates at the end of March, I will have flight bennies back and that means that I can travel with him on trips and stay at the hotel with him overnight. I do miss flying but my education is my number one priority right now. I am going to school online so I will be able to go places with him when he travels and still be able to do class work either on the plane, in the airport or at the hotel! Yay ME!!
There is not much else that is new to report, but I will definitely try to keep up with this more now that I have less work time. Please feel free to click one of the sponsor links, each click gets me MONEY!! The blog is monetized meaning that I get money each time someone clicks a link out of my blog.
Take care and God Bless each and every one of you!
Thanks for stopping by.

Brian J.

As Another Year Passes By

Well everyone one more year is slipping by, and we have survived another year of our lives. This has been a crazy year for some of us myself included. I have explored my career opportunities with a couple of avenues all still in the realm of customer service. I am currently working Seasonal for Target..well at least I was, I have been sick for the past week and have had to call off all week so I will see if I still have a position when I go back. Currently I am recovering from a cold that I caught somewhere, it started out as very fatigued which I attributed to working in Toys & Electronics for a week straight and right before Christmas. However, I called off on Monday because I was exhausted and my back was hurting and Monday night I began to feel rough, I immediately went and bought some cough and cold medicine, tissues, and OJ. Tuesday I was feeling about the same a little worse but still not dead, and when Wednesday rolled around I felt like I had been run over by a fleet of semi-trucks. Needless to say I did not work Christmas Eve either, I ended up buying Tylenol Severe Congestion with Pseudoephedrine and it was helping but I still have a lingering cough and congestion in my throat/left lung. Today my back has been hurting something terrible, I was distributing gifts to everyone and I was barely able to bend or twist because my back was so stiff. If things are not better tomorrow we will be making a visit with a doctor immediately.

I know that I started this post to talk about another year but my mind slipped off focus, so now lets get back to reviewing 2009. This year we have lost many people that were great entertainers such as Molly Sugden, Michael Jackson, Paul Harvey, Ron Silver, Natasha Richardson, Jack Wrangler, Bea Arthur, Dom DeLuise, and Farrah Fawcett just to name a few. There have also been many things that have happed such as our first African-American President was sworn into office, the American people bailed out the banks as well as two of the three major automakers (who later filed for bankruptcy protection) here in the U.S., H1N1 (Swine Flu) hit hard and took many innocent lives and is still a risk for many, Cash For Clunkers took a lot of older vehicles off the road and put fresh steel on the pavement. I am sure that this is only the tip of the ice burg on the things that have happened but these are some of the major headlines that I can think of.

Some headlines of my own, on January 4, 2010 I will begin classes with Franklin University working toward a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration and hopefully a minor in Accounting. I have been talking about going back to school for a few years and each year I filled out a FAFSA form and each year I would put it on the back burner and say “Well I have this job that I really like right now, I don’t have the time for classes, and I cant afford to go back” after my stint in the hospital and being on life support I have made the decision that there is no better time that RIGHT NOW to start working for my future. I know that I do not want to be at the bottom of the ladder forever, and I am sure that a Bachelors Degree will not instantaneously put my resume at the top of the pile or get me a six-figure income right away but I want to do more with my life than working in the jobs that I have been. I want Nick and I to be able to enjoy our lives together, and for us to be able to plan things and have nice things, not that we do not now but I want to be able to do things like we used to. Earlier in our relationship we used to get in the car and just see where the road would take us, one weekend we ended up in Pittsburg, PA, another we was in Atlanta, GA, and one night we could not think of anything to eat so we drove to Cleveland to find something different to eat, I loved the spontaneity of our lives, we made plans but we also did what we wanted and did not worry about time frames. 

So here is looking forward to 2010, 2009 has been a year of learning and discovery as well as pain and hardship, I hope that 2010 brings about a better life for everyone. I believe that if you truly want something and you work for it hard enough you will get it, lets hope that 2010 can be the year that we can all enjoy the fruits of our labor, as well as the comforts of family and friends. Lets build memories that will last for many more years and celebrate life everyday, for some of us we never know when tomorrow might not come.

 

God Bless Everyone,

Brian J.

The Video without the Music....

Sorry if this post runs a little long but I wanted to include the whole chat script.....Here is the video without the music... please feel free to read below for more info on the situation. Here is more info that I remembered today while chatting with others on POPTHATZIT.COM where my video is currently featured......

·         Innaffitoften :everyone would LOVE to hear it

·         profderien : did you have nightmares from ketamine?

·         Innaffitoften : brian, did you write all of this in the comments section?

·         CystFace : yay

·         Innaffitoften : yeah, Cy, we are now buds

·         brian12881 : prof how did u find the video?

·         brian12881 : I didnt remember a thing after being on the OR table till 2 1 hour after the surgery

·         profderien : blahblah, sorry!

·         profderien : and used to treat crps/rsd

·         profderien : ketamine is also a form of anesthesia

·         Innaffitoften : hang on, let me look in my old mail

·         brian12881 : I felt special alright

·         Innaffitoften : Cy, your name doesn't come up when I do a search

·         brian12881 : yep sch

·         brian12881 : yeah

·         schmegmie : also know as "special k"

·         profderien : just ask, and people will hit the ads

·         schmegmie : ketamine is horse tranq.

·         brian12881 : 56 hits so far today but unfortunately no hits on my ads on there I have adsense and google pays for every ad click on there

·         brian12881 : the stuff was so bad they could not use anesthesia they had to drug me with Ketamine (like LSD) while in surgery because they was afraid of losing my airway

·         CystFace : why icu?

·               

·         Innaffitoften : brian why?

·         profderien : hi, brian. i bet you've gotten some blog hits coming from here!

·         brian12881 : I was in E-ICU they had another hospital watching me while I was in there by webcam

        

·         brian12881 : yeah I have no memory of what I was on but it worked

·         CystFace : Brian, I wore a pump for 28 days in a fanny pack pumping oxicillan into me aster my knee had MRSA. I hear ya!!

·         brian12881 : 6

·         brian12881 : and of course percocet helped with the pain

·         Innaffitoften : how many days in the hospital?

·         Innaffitoften : good, god

·         brian12881 : then augmentin for 28 days after discharge

·         

·         Innaffitoften : mine were dry socets after I got mine done, and that hurt, I can't even imagine!

·         brian12881 : then some others in the hsp

·         brian12881 : well I was on penicillin for 4 days before being admitted

·         Innaffitoften : for how long?

·         Innaffitoften : now that I said it it's not lol

·         brian12881 : I think I was on every antibiotic known to man

·         brian12881 : even after the tooth extraction the infection got worse they thought it was MRSA at one point

·         

·         Innaffitoften : oh my god!

·         brian12881 : it was an abscessed wisdom tooth

·         Innaffitoften : OH MAN! I just had to look at the pic to remember! What was it!!!????

·         CystFace : and it kept draining

·         brian12881 : the surgeon did the incision

·         schmegmie : shit thats a high bp

·         brian12881 : there are good pics on my blog too I think he linked

·         CystFace : how did you get that cut?

·         Innaffitoften : ouch!, stay, I wanna hear about this, but I watched b4 coffee this morning

·         brian12881 : but they did the surgery b/c it was looking like I had 2 heads it was really swollen

·         CystFace : me too

·         Innaffitoften : let me go watch it again really quick, brb

·         brian12881 : hello

·         brian12881 : yeah I was in the hospital temp went to 104.6 and bp was like 185/124

·         Innaffitoften : yah

·         Innaffitoften : tah, the music was LOUD

·         CystFace : Hi Brian

·         

·         brian12881 : some ppl complained about the music but youtube picked it and I thought it went well with the actions in the video

·     

·         brian12881 : I reposted it with sound

·         Innaffitoften : well hey brian good job

·         brian12881 : it was rough going through all of it but I originally made the video for family and friends to see what it looked like

·         brian12881 : my video is the second one on the homepage right now, someone else found it and posted it